I'm even happy to see the tough ones.
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“I know academics aren’t his thing.”
Parent teacher conferences have highs and lows. I talked about a parent related high point earlier, but my low point came in the very came night. Much of a child’s life and behavior during the day are influenced by what happens outside of the classroom. Usually, if the parents are around AND involved, the chances of a child being balanced and productive in class are a little higher, by the numbers anyway. What happens when the parent involvement is negative? I have a student who struggles, but works very hard. His issue is more reading than it is academic ability or potential. That brings me back to the quote from the beginning of the blog. Sometimes teachers really do know their students better than their own parents. I had to explain to that parent that academics ARE, in fact, his thing, but that he struggles with a particular type of material. I also provided her with the steps that her son and I have begun taking to improve his reading comprehension. She was pleased to know that I also provide both audio and visual resources that allow her son to get the same basic content knowledge without having to rely heavily on the text. Again, she said part of why she felt that way was because teachers have been saying for so long that “academics aren’t his thing” instead of trying to find ways to help him be successful. Deciding and accepting that he was beyond help is part of his academic struggle. He has low academic self-confidence. I hope to correct that. This was very sad to me which is why it makes #8 on my low points list. Follow us on Facebook; Twitter; iTunes; Soundcloud; Stitcher Related Articles: Dallas Student Emotional Health Dallas Parent Teacher Conferences Part 1 Dallas Parent Teacher Conferences Part 2 Top Ten Positive and Negative Moments in Dallas Education 2015 Positive 08: DISD Student Has Her Baby Negative 08: Parent thinks their child is stupid Positive 09: Thanked by a Parent Negative 09: Blamed for a DISD Student Fight Positive 10. Alex Hales and Retired Teacher Negative 10. Promising DISD Student Gets Pregnant Being thanked feels good. It feels much better when it comes from a student or a parent. At the end of parent teacher conferences this fall, I had a parent come sit down looking visibly exhausted and upset. “Let’s get this over with,” he said as he sat down. I told him that I wasn’t sure how his other conferences had been going but that his child was doing fantastic in my class; additionally, I had a graph of his progress since day 1 and showed that to him as well.
I thought he was going to cry. I haven’t seen too many smiles like that in my life, but I have no doubt that he felt relieved. “All the other teachers have just told how bad my son was.” No parent should feel that way about their child. We talked through some of the areas where his son could use some extra practice, but he’s not dumb or a bad kid. I get being frustrated with a kid. I get wanting to unload on parents to try and get them on the same page to help their child. That said, no parent wants to go to conferences if they just get beat up the whole time. It made me feel good to be the exception. It felt good to be the one believing in a kid that others didn’t. Follow us on Facebook; Twitter; iTunes; Soundcloud; Stitcher Related Articles: Dallas Parent Teacher Conferences Part 1 Dallas Parent Teacher Conferences Part 2 Parent Trigger Top Ten Positive and Negative Moments in Dallas Education 2015 Positive 09: Thanked by a Parent Positive 10. Alex Hales and Retired Teacher Negative 10. Promising DISD Student Gets Pregnant It was a bit of a slow week for us with parent teacher conferences and the PSAT, but it was an exciting week around the web. Catch up with us and then check out what's going on in the larger education conversation.
Luckily, you can now listen while you read! We have a brand new Dallas Education Podcast with former DISD Principal Elizabeth Kastiel (L.G Pinkston High School). We talk teacher prep, school choice, and school discipline. Follow us on Twitter; iTunes; Soundcloud; Stitcher From Us: New Dallas Education Podcast Dallas Parent teacher conferences You're not stupid - Reframe failure in Dallas education and schools Resetting the tone in DISD classrooms Being a student again DISD and Dallas Education rundown 10.10 DISD Students are behind From around the web: Yes to the DISD Bond; No to the DISD Bond; Interactive Map Breakdown of DISD Bond spending DISD Bond websites go live - DMN Fact checking Trustee Foreman - Learning Curve Why white parents reject black schools - HuffPo Why parents choose charter schools Black parents care about education - CitizenEd Approach and style matter for education leaders - EP Reform with Respect - CitizenEd Love isn't enough - EP Eurocentrism in Education - CitizenEd Garden Classroom in Dallas - DMN Parent teacher conference week gives everyone a chance to reflect on how well the students are doing. You print out progress reports, explain your class, and discuss the strengths and weaknesses of people you're charged with shaping for 180 days 50 minutes or so at a time.
I've mentioned a few parents that are convinced their students are "dumb." Their words not mine. When you have people that are supposed to believe in you the most telling you that achieving your goals is impossible, of course your grades and self confidence will reflect that more times than not. What do you do? How do you look at a kid and say "your parents are wrong, listen to me?" Well, depending on your personality and commitment, pretty darn easy. We've all had students that are working their tails off and getting "nowhere." They don't see a change, the numbers aren't changing, and it isn't getting easier. As a teacher, you can tell the kids they are more than numbers. Help them see that even though they can't see immediate results, they're getting experience and becoming more comfortable finding the answers they are seeking. You can show them that identifying and overcoming weaknesses is part of growing up. Again, kids need to know that failure doesn't mean they are worthless, stupid, hopeless, or anything other than that they have not mastered a particular subject. It can be overcome, and it will. Success is not only possible, it's probable if we change the way we talk with our kids. Normally not so cheery over here, but something about parents not believing in their kids gets me fired up. Related Articles: Dallas Parent Teacher Conferences Dallas Student Emotions Sometimes parents are so beat down by the time they get to you that they are ready to rip your head off if you say one negative word about their child. That's not your fault. Some kids are a terror for all of their teachers and have been for years. The parents know that when they get to conferences it's going to be one insult of their kid/parenting after the other. What do I love about Parent teacher conferences? Taking that parent and putting a smile on their face.
Last conference of the night I had a parent come in exhausted, dejected, and angry. He was surprised to learn that his child was not only doing well in my class, but participating and asking questions when he needed help. Apparently I'm the only class he's doing well in and his parent was not expecting to get a good report, especially since all the previous reports were so negative. He left with a ray of hope and said that while he was planning on taking his child to task for his behavior/performance in the other classes, he was going to praise him for his work in mine. No interaction should be 100% negative. This is often why I'd think the parents that you REALLY need to see don't come, don't take calls, and don't show in interest. Who would want to be told they are a bad parent all the time? Who wants to sit and listen to people tell you that your kid is stupid and ill behaved? Nobody. Even if you have 90% bad things to say, there's something good you can say even if it's "well, she shows up...not every kid does that." Is that good? Not really, but it's a start. We can build from there. Related Articles: Dallas Parent Teacher Conferences Part 1 The first six weeks has been gone for sometime now and report cards have been handed back. Monday, many campuses had their parent teacher conferences in DISD. When the parents actually show up, it can be a great opportunity to not only share what their child is doing, but also hear their aspirations for their kids. It's great when they have well developed visions of their students' futures. It's heart warming to hear that they "just want them to be happy." Sometimes it's just heart breaking.
There's one parent that comes to mind from this year's conferences that was positive their child wasn't smart. "Academics aren't his thing." "Sometimes I just don't think his brain works." "He doesn't get a lot of things." Now I get it. Now I see why this child is so down on himself when he makes small mistakes. He isn't believed in by one of the people he loves and trusts the most. What I explained to that parent was that there is a difference between not being able to identify the most important information from a reading and not being smart. His grades show that he's improving. I'm proud of him and so should both her and her student be. She left relieved. That's a good thing to see in a parent. It should be a positive experience, not negative. We briefly discussed the thoughts that go through the heads of our DISD student fathers. Often times the focus is on our student mothers and what their plans are to take care of their children, but as teachers who are invested in our students, its interesting to see how the maternal/paternal instincts take over.
Roughly 8 months ago, my star student told me she was pregnant. This wasn't her first pregnancy, but it was the first she decided to carry to term. She was hesitant at first to tell me because she thought (correctly) that I would be upset. Not at her decision to have sex, not because she was sneaking around about it, but because I can see how much harder it will make her life. She's so smart and so driven that I believe that she will not let being a mother derail her dreams; however, it will be much more difficult. The child's father will likely not be in the picture and is all around just not a good role model so I worry about the baby too. What are me and some of her other teachers doing? Running around frantically trying to compile a list of things she needs and trying to get them on amazon. Is she any help? NOPE! Why? Because she has no idea what she's doing. Outside of reading a few buzzfeed articles on breastfeeding when I forget to close my laptop, she's woefully unprepared. We've gotten her baby books that she hasn't read because they are "boring" and she's too busy with school work. We've started talking to her about budgeting and realistically looking at the cost of babies. I've helped her get an internship and look for jobs so she can make money to support her child. What's her response? "Y'all are stressing me out, my mama's just going to help so I don't need to worry about all that." Almost had a heart attack. I worry about her baby because I worry about her. I worry about her because she is my student and I'm invested in her future. I'm invested in that future because I care about the future of our city. That's why I teach and I guess this is just another part of that calling. What makes it extra hard? Just found out that there's another student that many of us very much enjoy that is pregnant as well. It's a tough cycle to break and it's tough being inside the eye of the storm watching it all happen in real time. It's harder on them having to live it, but being a spectator is no picnic either. Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers teaching classes, in our classes, or just sending their kids off to school every day. If you're a dog mom and not a human mom, that deserves thanks too. Are you a teacher with no kids? Guess what, you're a mom too. Your kids see you that way. At least some of them do. I appreciate all of you and those of you who are moms and teachers, you get double appreciation today.
I want to give special thanks to my mom who made such an impact in my life and education. Other than giving me life, the next most important thing my mom did was read to me. When I was young, she read me stories and that thelped me become a better reader. It helped me have a strong vocabulary. She worked full time and still found a way to feed me and read to me most days of the week. It didn't end when I grew up either. When I was sick in middle school, my mom sat and read my nightly reading to me one night while she nursed me back to health so I'd be ready for a quiz. That's the kind of woman she is and I'll always appreciate her for that. She's a DISD grad by the way. Our district produces some quality people and has been for decades. |
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