We can't underestimate the impact that grief and trauma have on academic performance.
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It's hard to expect students to say anything other than "I'm ok" when you don't equip them with the vocabulary to express themselves.
My student surveys revealed that one of my students felt that I liked certain students in the class more than the others.
This is 100% true. So is this: Having "favorite" students isn't a crime. Here's the thing. There will always be students that push your buttons, positive and negative. We all have our interpretation of what an ideal student is and when one of our students exemplifies that, it makes us smile. The problem is that other students pick up on this and get down about it. Instead of changing their approach to your class, they internalize it and start to blame you for their short comings. As a teacher, we have to support the mental health and development of our kids, true. The thing that makes it difficult is that you are trying to communicate that to a young person who hasn't fully evolved socially and emotionally yet. The obvious retort is that none of us ever stop evolving, but try explaining that there is a difference between like and love to a kid. That's a lesson that most people only learn after years in a bitter and unfulfilling relationship. I know plenty of teachers that would describe education as just that. I love all of my students. I'd do anything for each and every one of them. Does that mean I am excited when every one of them shows up to chat outside of class time? Nope. "Oh man here comes this kid again" is a normal reaction to have. You don't have to like everyone. If there is one thing I'd like for all of my kids to understand it's that their performance on exams has no impact on the amount of love they deserve. My love is unconditional. That doesn't mean I have to enjoy being around them though. What I need to figure out is what actions communicated that to this student or if it was just the kid having some fun with the anonymous survey. Related Articles: Dallas Student Feedback Dallas Student Mental Health This year, social and emotional health emerged as one of the most important new focuses surrounding our students in DISD. With the new focus on Pre K recently, it’s clear that we are now moving toward thinking about and educating the whole child over time instead of just the student from year to year.
Kids aren’t machines. They are people that think, feel, learn, cry, laugh, and everything in between. A 10th grader that can’t read didn’t become that way in the summer after 9th grade, they never learned when they were where? PRE K. The thanks for this goes several people, but I want to make sure I mention Alan Cohen. He has done a fantastic job since joining the district and I believe he is making huge strides in trying to improve how we educate our kids. Follow us on Facebook; Twitter; iTunes; Soundcloud; Stitcher Related Articles: Mental Health Week Rundown Empathizing with Dallas Student Anxiety Dallas Student Testing Anxiety Why Dallas Student Emotions Matter Rethink Dallas Student Failure Rethink what success means for the benefit of Dallas students Dallas Student Social and Emotional Health Stop making excuses for Dallas Student Behavior When DISD Students Breakdown Why "Back in my day" Hurts Dallas Education Keeping Secrets for DISD Students It's OK for DISD Teachers to Cry Top Ten Positive and Negative Moments in Dallas Education 2015 Positive 04: Social and Emotional Health Positive 05: Trustees Stop By Negative 05: Student Mother Kicked Out Positive 06: Supportive Principal Negative 06: A Bad Spot Observation Positive 07: Department Chair Respect Negative 07: Principals Lying Positive 08: DISD Student Has Her Baby Negative 08: Parent thinks their child is stupid Positive 09: Thanked by a Parent Negative 09: Blamed for a DISD Student Fight Positive 10. Alex Hales and Retired Teacher Negative 10. Promising DISD Student Gets Pregnant Mental Health may as well be magic or wizardry to most people. As much science and evidence that's out there about the reality and importance of the human mind, we stilldon't take itseriously. Even when something terriblehappens, we tend to genralize and treat thsoe people as outliers, call them crazy, and move on without doing anything different.
Mental Health Week is an opportunity to realize that the mind matters. As it relates to education,it can be the difference between an A and and F for students. It can be the difference between a teacher that makes a true change in a students life and a teacher that shows up with liquor in their coffee. You have to takecare of your students and take care of yourself. Mental Health Matters. Student Mental Health: Empathizing with Dallas Student Anxiety Dallas Student Testing Anxiety Why Dallas Student Emotions Matter Rethink Dallas Student Failure Rethink what success means for the benefit of Dallas students Dallas Student Social and Emotional Health Stop making excuses for Dallas Student Behavior When DISD Students Breakdown Why "Back in my day" Hurts Dallas Education Keeping Secrets for DISD Students Teacher Mental Health: It's OK for DISD Teachers to Cry DISD Teacher Tears Joy DISD Teacher Tears Overwhelmed DISD Teacher Tears Hopelessness DISD Teacher Tears Frustration Giving up on your students Shake off those long teacher nights Taking school home Make time for yourself Waking up and Dragging in New Teacher Trashcan In case you missed it: DISD and Dallas Education Rundown - December Week 2 Follow us on Twitter; iTunes; Soundcloud; Stitcher; Facebook The Dallas Education Blog Store Yesterday, Kevin Malonson wrote a guest column for Learning Curve in support of single gender academics. While I think the wholesale transition to a single gender model in Dallas ISD is improbable, I do agree with many of the benefits of single gender education. Being a product of a single gender high school education myself, I can tell you the logic goes much deeper than "boys and girls distract each other." Many of the supporters and opponents get this wrong and do a disservice to the idea by essentially blaming young girls for academic deficiencies in themselves and young boys.
If you look at the development of young people period, it's much slower than it used to be. Adolescence is extended by high school+college+graduate school. You see more kids now coming back and moving in with their parents where a few decades ago the expectation would be to go out on your own and make your way in the world once you reached driving age or so. At least that's how my parents tell the tale. The "by the time I was thirteen I had a wife, a horse, and a job" days seem to be gone for good. Every Lifetime Original or Tyler Perry movie is full of guidelines on what makes a "real man" or "real woman" for that matter. "Real men don't cry." "Real men take responsibility." "Real women have curves." "Real women don't have curves." The point is that we have no idea what it means to be a man or a woman. Everyone has a different idea and the process of getting to manhood or womanhood is largely unsupervised. Kids figure it out in isolation or with their equally clueless peers. Signle gender environments provide a place where kids can talk openly and honestly about their identity in an academic setting. Perhaps the differences in academic performance are less about the "gender distraction theory" and more about the social and emotional health differences in students in single gender environments compared to those that are in coed schools. For young boys in particular, this quest to become a man is ill defined and has no clear beginning or end. Most fathers don't take their sons into the woods to complete some task that makes them a man. There's no standardized coming of age ritual anymore. That's what makes this so confusing. That and the relatively new idea that being confused about life is ok and that you can take as long as you need to figure it out. Single gender schools create a unique place where kids can figure their identity out. It's the inability to discuss gender in a judgement free environment that causes what many people would call a male culture of risk taking and violence. I don't buy completely into the argument but it is fascinating to look into. One of my favorite books on the topic is Dr. Michael Kimmel's Guyland. If you read it and disagree with his argument, Dr. Christina Sommers' The War Against Boys offers a few counterpoints. Related Articles: Kevin Malonson on Single Gender Academics - Learning Curve Kevin Malonson stops by the Dallas Education Podcast Single Gender Schools Research I've been grumpy lately about things like principals lying to teachers, students having tough lives, incompetent administrators, etc. All of that stuff is still happening and very real, but there's some very positive and exciting things happening in Dallas ISD specifically and Dallas education generally.
This Thursday in the DISD Board of Trustees meeting, there will be discussions about full day Pre-K, recess for students, and social and emotional health. They are all related and I'm excited that we are now shifting our focus more directly to our students than we have been the past few months. Full day Pre-K: Great idea. We have a high number of parents with jobs that simply don't allow the flexibility to pick up and stay with their young children all day; furthermore, we have a statistically significant number of young children with children that are young and still have to go to school in the Dallas area. Full day Pre-K allows students to have a safe place to learn and their parents the ability to provide for those children. What happens otherwise? You have kids unattended or taken care of themselves or in the care of a slightly bigger child that also doesn't know what's going on. It doesn't guarantee that one or all of those kids end up damaged in some way, but the probability that things can go wrong is definitely higher when you have a 10 year old picking up and caring for a 4 year old. Recess for Elementary School: Kids learn through play. PE is not the same as unstructured time for kids to test limits and explore. Kids have to be able to socialize to develop not only their relationships with people, but to strengthen their problem solving and decision making as well. Social and Emotional Health: There is a need for resources and time specifically dedicated to addressing the mental health of our students. People are generally more volatile at a young age because they are in formation. The above two initiatives are part of establishing a healthy mind early on, but we can't forget our students that have already been through those years and are now paying the price. Mentally healthy students generally do better in the classroom. Thank you, Dan Micciche, for pushing for ideas that could impact the next decade or more of students coming through DISD. If these pass, I'm sure they'll be right up with with breakfast for our students on your list of accomplishments. Related Articles: Student Mental Health matter Student anxiety Making excuses for Dallas Students - When social emotional health talk goes too far Using the past to fight Social and Emotional Health hurts Dallas students There's a student I have that just NEEDS to be seen.
He is loud, disruptive, and animated. Very intelligent and capable, but more interested in the social aspect of school than the content. Sound familiar? If so, it's probably no great surprise that his home life is less than ideal. Tons of family crammed into a small room, not a ton of resources, potentially some addiction, etc. The kid drives me nuts and is a distraction to everyone around him; however, I refuse to do what many of the other teachers and administrators do: make excuses for him. I don't tolerate late work. I don't allow him to freely disrupt class. I don't let my knowledge of his struggles make me lazy as a teacher. Yesterday, he really got under my skin by talking during a test. I gave him the standard "talking = a zero" or something to that effect, and that was effective, but it was clear that he was well behaved, but not on the inside. I could see the restlessness under his performance of compliance. I had him wait after class and walked him to his next one. I told him that I can see him, that we can all sea and hear him. I told him I think he is smart and important. Sounds a little like that famous scene from The Help, but it's not Hollywood embellishment, telling kids they have value makes a difference, especially when home life isn't stable. He seemed to really appreciate it and took me up on the offer to talk out some of what's burdening him. This was just in a 5 minute walk to class. He asked for a follow up and I told him my door was always open. You have to care for the child and the student, not just one or the other. Related Articles: Why Dallas Student Emotions Matter Helping Dallas students understand their actions Dallas student discipline from petty teachers When Dallas Students Don't Listen Why "Back in my day" Hurts Dallas Education The diagnosis, respect, and compassion toward mental health is not the same today as it was even 10-15 years ago. As teachers, sometimes our instinct is to assume students claiming mental distress are being lazy are lying. Sure, that happens, but we and our students would be better served if we listened more than we ignored.
I've confessed here that for most of my life I thought testing anxiety was made up and never really heard about it. Part of that is due to the acknowledgement of it being a relatively new thing, but, as someone who experiences anxiety daily and has had panic attacks before, the problem was more me refusing to connect my personal life with school and my students. Let me break it down. I semi regularly talk to a New York based psychologist (not as a patient) about the human mind and she has helped me clear up a good deal of my unorganized thoughts about human behavior and the influences on it. Brilliant woman. Anxiety has triggers. While not exactly like PTSD, it can happen anywhere at any time to varying degrees of severity. The first time a student told me they weren't "good at tests," my knee jerk reaction was to tell them they were wrong and that they needed to just believe in themselves. What a cop out of an answer. One of my best lazy teacher canned response moments. Embarrassing. She presumably tried my horrible suggestions, but still failed. Here's where the tears started. I asked her to step outside and talked with her. This student, boasting a solid A in my class and many of her others, explained how she felt on test days. She said her stomach hurt and her heart raced. When she saw the test, she started sweat and envision a big red 63 her paper. Why that number? No idea, but it was real to her and she could see it. Before even picking up the pencil she knew she would fail and often she would. Why? She knew the stuff. I watched her know it every single day. She sat front and center, she took notes, she participated, and she completed all her work on time, but she would fail every test. When she described her experience on test days, it resonated with me. I don't have a fear of tests, but I do have a complicated relationship with illness and my own mortality. This is something that anxiety free people have a hard time understanding. I experience anxiety at night most severely. Have you ever been 100% positive you were going to die? Not in the future, but before Christmas? I've been convinced with absolute certainty that I had cancer, West Nile Virus, SARS, Swine Flu, Strep Throat, and several other rare and hard to pronounce ailments. I claw at my own throat while I'm awake and apparently while I sleep to feel for inconsistencies in my glands that weren't there yesterday. Many nights I have a hard time sleeping or staying asleep and on rare occasions it's been extreme enough that I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the emergency room. At times, I've resigned myself to being a functioning lunatic. Anxiety is like having a poorly trained talking bear in your bed. It never sleeps and always tells you what you're afraid of. When you go out into your daily life it follows you. You can SOMETIMES get it to calm down and reason with it. "This test will go alright because I studied." "Men in their mid 20s don't get osteoporosis." No matter what the mantra or how crazy your fears are, sometimes you can't make them go away and they overtake you, crippling you. That's what I imagine my student experienced on test days. It wasn't until I saw myself in her shoes that I began to understand and was able to talk her through it. Not completely, but to the point where she could show everyone else the brilliance I see on a daily basis. She passed her ACP. What's most important is that, for even a moment, she was able to succeed in spite of her fears. Related Articles: Dallas Student Testing Anxiety Why Dallas Student Emotions Matter Why "Back in my day" Hurts Dallas Education These are words you shouldn't and don't have to say to a student EVER.
Yesterday we talked about Dallas teachers crying. It happens because we are emotionally invested in our work and our kids. Many have a less than ideal an sometimes chaotic homelife and school is one of the only things that provides a sense of stability and safety. The challenging side of that is when relationships grow strong enough between teacher and student, they start to unload things on you that you just aren't qualified or capable of dealing with. When I was a first year teacher, I saw one of my favorite students get attacked by her boyfriend. He walked into her classroom and started to choke and throw her around. I got invovled and got them separated. I talked to an administrator and her mother. The follow up conversation with the student was where it gets tricky. She wanted to break down the whole history of why things are this way. From domestic abuse to pregnancy to low self esteem, she shared it all. That same week another student told me about her pregnancy her 8th grade year and how that was causing problems between her and her family. She asked me not to tell anyone and I told her that I couldn't make that promise because some of the things she was telling me I had to let someone more qalified handle. I put them in touch with an admin, school psychologist, CPS, and the nurse. Why? Because some of these problems are above me. Whenever my teacher friends tell me things like "my student said their boyfriend/dad/brother is beating them up at night" I always tell them the same thing, "tell an admin immediately." Yes, that seems extreme, but the handbook pretty much tells you to go further than that and call CPS. The usual response is something along the lines of "I don't want to betray their trust, I told them I wouldn't tell. That would ruin our relationship." Well good luck. You're going to jail. Enjoy that. Here are the problems with that logic: 1. You're already telling by talking to me about it, so the "betrayal" already happened. I just can't do anything to help. 2. You don't actually need a relationship with a child, especially one that you aren't related to. 3. It's better for them to be safe and angry than dead. These are conversations you don't imagine yourself having when you decide to teach. I never thought I'd have to tell other teachers "you need to call someone in case that child gets murdered tonight." Turns out that's teaching. Sometimes it seems like the SMALLEST part of the job is instruction and content. Be a shoulder to cry on. Be an ear to listen. The most important thing you need to be, however, is an adult. Put their safety first no matter what. They'll thank you when they keep living. Maybe not, but you'll thank you. Sometimes that's worth it. Related Articles: DISD Student safety DISD Student Violence When DISD Students Breakdown Dallas Student Emotional Health There was an article last month on NPR that told new teacher that it's ok to cry in the car. Truth. Whatever the reason you feel emotionally full, unburden yourself. Let it out. Tears are a pressure valve. When were about to pop, letting a few out can be a good thing. What the article doesn't do is to encourage ALL teachers, regardless of experience, to let our some of that pressure.
Teaching is hard, kids are frustrating, adults are bad people, and you are being expected to do way more than is reasonable. Now that all of that is out of the way, let's talk about how to cry. Don't cry in front of the kids. There was a teacher my first year, a 10+ year veteran, who could be heard loudly weeping and yelling at kids depending on the time of day. Not only did it make the kids behave worse, but it disturbed and terrorized the nearby teachers as well. If you need to excuse yourself because you let a child get under your skin so far that you are about to cry in class, do it. Take the write up. Better that than crippling yourself for the rest of the year. No, it doesn't look good, but i'd argue the kids seeing the tears is worse. Kids can be like piranha. Once they smell blood in the water, you're done. Let it out regularly It doesn't have to be tears, but relieve that stress somehow before it gets to the point where crying is mandatory and involuntary. If you let it build up you're going to explode on a student that probably is doing something on a much lower level than you are percieving it to be. Reset every day Don't let yesterday determine today. You start fresh and let the students, admins, and everyone else start fresh too. There is only one student I've ever had that I actually don't like, but sometimes I let all that negative emotions stack up and bleed into my relationships with other students. At the peak of my feud with this one students, she told me she didn't like me. I told her I didn't like her either. I'm serious. I still don't like this kid. How crazy is that? I wouldn't have said that if I hadn't taken her constant defiance and under performance personally. I should have let her start over, instead, I decided early that she was terrible, and honestly, I still feel that way. I was in a year long emotional feud with a 15 year old girl. Who's fault is that? Mine of course. So dumb. Regardless of the reason, if you need to cry, do it. Find someone you care about and let it out. You'll feel better and you'll be better. Related Articles: New Teachers are allowed to cry - NPR DISD Teacher Tears Joy DISD Teacher Tears Overwhelmed DISD Teacher Tears Hopelessness DISD Teacher Tears Frustration Crying isn't all doom and gloom. I've cried when my students surpassed my expectations and/or achieved their goals.
I had two girls in one of my classes that spoke almost no English. I spoke to them in broken Spanish most days to try and make sure they were getting most of the content. My bilingual students refused to help them and translate for me and I didn't have an inclusion teachers. This class had more than 30 students and for most of the year, only 29 desks. These two girls, twins, only had a 2nd grade education in Mexico and now they were sitting in my 10th grade history class. Bananas. The amount of growth they showed over the course of that year was enough to make me burst into tears one night. We were playing a game where they had a description of a world leader on a flashcard and they had to find out who they were then using other people's clues, find out who they were. I was walking around checking on everyone's progress and one of the twins screamed "MISTER" at the top of her lungs. I ran over and she asked if she was John F. Kennedy? Not only was she right, that was the first time all year she said a sentence completely in English. Even the grammar was correct. I'm lucky class was over about 3 minutes later. I closed my door and just cried. Crazy, happy, sobbing tears. Ever seen someone cry and smile at the same time? Nightmare inducing. I know I looked like a lunatic, but nobody was around so I didn't scare anyone. Related Articles: DISD ELL Students Dallas ISD Teacher Frustration Tears Dallas ISD Teacher Hopelessness Tears Dallas ISD Teacher Overwhelmed Tears When we look at why babies cry, there are two main categories: Needs and Overstimulation. Adults are more complicated but the same principals apply.
The first reason I talked about why teachers cry was frustration. That's from a need not being met. The teacher needed strong leadership from her administrator instead of being given all the work the administrator didn't know how to do. That was compounded by the inability of that administrator to assist that teacher with any of the questions they had or duties they perform on a daily basis. This also leads to overstimulation which I'll go ahead and conflate with being overwhelmed. Weak administrators create more work for teacher and support staff. The second was hopelessness. That's teachers being completely overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the battle they are called to engage in every single day at the classroom level. The hardest thing about teaching is watching poverty happen in real time and feeling powerless to stop it. Feeling overwhelmed happens when we over book our life. Some of it is our fault. We take on too many responsibilities, don't know how to be efficient, we care too much about people and events we can't control, we can't prioritize so we try to do everything/refuse to let anything slide for a day or two, and whole host of other reasons. Independently, these things are annoying, but usually manageable. You know that corworker that's always walking way too fast and just seems busy for no reason? They're functional but they're frantic internally. The overlap of these reasons is what causes the deluge of tears I've seen teachers create in public. The best advice I got from a 30+ year veteran teacher was to not take school negativity home with me and to have a sense of humor. It's a work in progress, but it's kept the salt water mostly inside my body for the last few years. Related Articles: Dallas Teacher Frustration Tears DISD Teacher Hopelessness Tears Taking DISD Home with you Refusing to leave Dallas ISD at school Not everyone on campus does things exactly the way we want. Earlier today I talked about know nothing admins that cause extra work and frustration to teachers. So while it's true that many of us in the classroom have an idea of how we think admins should be doing their jobs, most of us KNOW how kids should be doing their job (learning).
I've seen teachers burst into tears talking about their students' achievement. Whether it's low test scores, their daily progress, engagement in class activities, or even the prediction of future failures, when our kids aren't doing well, neither are we. Most teachers want so badly for their students to grasp the material, perform well on assessments, and achieve some measure of success in the future. The reality many of us face is watching kids fail to meet our expectations every single day. Not all of them, but the few that chronically under perform are the ones that distract and monopolize your attention and emotions. Those are the ones that keep you up at night trying to figure out how to help them. You plan lessons, you bring food, you have one on one conversations, you call the parents, you talk to the coach, and none of that helps. The kid doesn't want it. You start to feel like giving up on that kid. You start to getting angry at that kid for not seeing things the way you do and sharing your perspective and priorities. You start to wish ill on that kid. You start to feel like all of your students are just like this one and nothing will ever change or get better. Once that spin starts, it gets faster and faster until BOOM: water works. When you realize you've lost hope that hurts. Not just because you're sad for that kid, but because you realized that you've done something you got into this line of work to fight against, giving up on a child. Related Articles: DISD Teacher Frustration Tears Giving up on Dallas ISD students Today may just be a day I need to devote to the different reasons why teachers cry. Rarely do you see it in public, but when you do, it's heart breaking. Last night I saw a DISD teacher cry. Hard.
These weren't the maybe they're sad or maybe there's something in their eye tears. These weren't the I just reached for a popcicle but someone just left the empty box in the freezer tears. They weren't even the I thought there was an extra step so I fell and scraped my knee in front of everyone tears. These were big, angry, frustrated, streaming down their face tears. What caused them? Reason number 1: Incompetent Administrators. We all know that assistant principal or that just looks lost. That's frustrating, sure. You ask them a question or need some assistance and they're all thumbs. They don't know anything and they don't know where to direct you. That's just bad customer service. It's annoying like a waiter that keeps spilling water next to your table. It becomes tear inducing when that administrator knows they're terrible so they overcompensate by throwing their weight around (sometimes literally) to pretend they know what they're talking about. Example: Yelling at kids to use the front door when everyone on campus knows the policy is for kids to enter at the back or side doors where the metal detectors are plugged in. That makes the kids hate admins. That's the student side though. Bad admins bring teachers to tears by writing them up for frivolous reasons like walking in 3 minutes before class is over on a test day and writing up a teacher for not "teaching bell to bell." Yes, that's a real write up that I signed with a scribble that was 100% not my signature our of protest. The worst thing poor admins do, completely in my opinion, is dump off all the things they don't know how to do onto their department chairs and instructional coaches. Both of those people are busy enough. Adding the insult of pretending like you're trusting them and giving them more responsibility is what triggers those angry frustration tears. Parent teacher conference week gives everyone a chance to reflect on how well the students are doing. You print out progress reports, explain your class, and discuss the strengths and weaknesses of people you're charged with shaping for 180 days 50 minutes or so at a time.
I've mentioned a few parents that are convinced their students are "dumb." Their words not mine. When you have people that are supposed to believe in you the most telling you that achieving your goals is impossible, of course your grades and self confidence will reflect that more times than not. What do you do? How do you look at a kid and say "your parents are wrong, listen to me?" Well, depending on your personality and commitment, pretty darn easy. We've all had students that are working their tails off and getting "nowhere." They don't see a change, the numbers aren't changing, and it isn't getting easier. As a teacher, you can tell the kids they are more than numbers. Help them see that even though they can't see immediate results, they're getting experience and becoming more comfortable finding the answers they are seeking. You can show them that identifying and overcoming weaknesses is part of growing up. Again, kids need to know that failure doesn't mean they are worthless, stupid, hopeless, or anything other than that they have not mastered a particular subject. It can be overcome, and it will. Success is not only possible, it's probable if we change the way we talk with our kids. Normally not so cheery over here, but something about parents not believing in their kids gets me fired up. Related Articles: Dallas Parent Teacher Conferences Dallas Student Emotions |
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