l still remember every girl I ever loved. I still remember when and why I didn't like them anymore. I remember kids I hated in elementary school. Some of them I still do because I only know their fourth grade selves. I haven't enjoyed flying on a plane since 9/11 even though I loved it as a kid, and I haven't been able to drink a Blue Moon without gagging since I had way to many at a college charity party. The point is that our past, especially the traumatic parts, stick with us forever.
It's easy, and tempting, to become paralyzed by that trauma. That is what we have to work to avoid.
Me not driving all weekend out of fear of being stopped in this emotional time and losing my life for not reason was paralysis. I'm sure Uber was happy, but I wasn't. Continuing to hate EVERYONE in a group because of a few bad folks that just happen to have things in common with them is paralysis. Watching CNN, or whichever news network you like to make yourself miserable with, on a loop for 24 hours and whipping yourself into a frenzy over it is paralysis.
You have to get back to living your life. Never forget. Never quit. Keep moving forward.
How have I done that? In pieces. I tell my students that experience trauma the same thing. Whether it's losing a loved one or seeing something horrifying, staying busy and active helps. I started going to the gym again after a week away. I started going to therapy, which is awesome and not just for "crazy people." Unburdening myself with others has been extremely helpful to removing myself from my funk, and it has been even better with strangers.
You can't teach someone to move forward until you do so yourself. It's like the oxygen masks on an airplane. Help yourself, then help other passengers. You can do it at the same time, but without working on you, you can't work on others. Do the things you have to do and don't neglect the things that make you happy.
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