I started this year excited and a little scared. This would be the last year I had with many of these students before they graduate and go on to what was next. I had built strong relationships with so many and built up our final year together in my head. I expected and hope for perfection. As we all know nothing is perfect.
This year has been hard for me. For many reasons. One of the main reasons though is that I'm really scared for these students. I've told myself for the last two years that we can make a difference, I believed and do believe they can be successful, and put everything I have into these students. Now it's their senior year and we are figuring out whats next. For too many it's not the future I want next for them. For too many it's not what I believe they are capable of. At the same time I see how far behind they still are. I see the critical reasoning, writing, and problem solving skills they still lack and I questioned everything I have ever done with them. This is it! They leave next year as citizens of Dallas and they are not prepared. I beyond scared for them and I beyond upset with what more I could have done to prepare these students. It's hard to realize you may have to settle, especially when we are talking about a students future. It's September so I'm not giving up, trust me I'm not, I've set a graduating goal well above previous years, but it doesn't include everyone. Its every child that I know that may not walk that stage or be prepared for what comes next that keeps me up at night. Its thinking about what as a school could have done to change these students trajectory that haunts me everyday.
I can't walk away from this job at 5pm and focus on something else. This students and this job are apart of me, for better or for worse.
Teaching on purpose